gingivitis beware
topic: the toothbrush... as a weapon
sorry that i've been slacking lately, but i have been kind of busy. during the course of moving this weekend, i noticed just how grizzled my toothbrush was. i usually don't buy new toothbrushes that often because i just wind up wearing through them really fast, but i figured i would have to soon. in honor of my soon-to-be-deceased toothbrush i decided to write a little something.
while most people don't think of it that way, the toothbrush has been a weapon for thousands of years. there are records dating back to 3000 BC of egyptians (those egyptians... what will they think of next) using frayed branches to clean their teeth. how does that make it a weapon? just ask mr. tartar and ms. plaque; they are feeling its wrath. of course people may also find it useful as a weapon against other people or a mercedes benz perhaps. with a sleek plastic design, the toothbrush can be wielded with precision for both throwing and melee attacks. while the toothbrush is rather light and blunt, modifications can be made to offer more severe strikes. if the plastic is shaved, it can be easily made into a shiv (keep that in mind, all you prisoners out there). a skilled martial arts master can use the toothbrush to hit various pressure points, incapacitating the victim or worse. even the lazy and untrained attacker can use the toothbrush to scrape the eyeballs of an opponent or even gouge them out. one of the more sophisticated vibrating toothbrushes may also make for a much more dangerous tool in the hands of an evil doer. these toothbrushes, however, have a good deal more weight to them, thus slowing the strikes of the attacker. also a power toothbrush has a finite battery life, so in an extended battle, the power brush may eventually become the weaker weapon. an electrically savvy person may, however, be able to modify the power brush into an extremely damaging toy (delivering electrical shocks, etc). in respect to the throwing of a brush, i have experience with that first hand... i have been hit; it is both insulting and bewildering. the toothbrush itself was more of an annoyance than a threat directly, but that was due to the fact that it was obviously in unqualified hands. in return, i wielded an attitude more dangerously and effectively, proving that it is not entirely the weapon, but also the person holding it.
conclusion:
though it may not stand up directly to a sword or a gun, a toothbrush can still be used as a weapon. in fact, a toothbrush can be dangerous without even intention of harm (i've scraped my gums before and definitely gotten some good bleeding). the toothbrush... um... eh... screw it. look, i know i've basically said a bunch of good things about the toothbrush as a tool for destruction so far, but the truth is: most people are not capable of using it as an effective weapon. i'm not sure if you know this, but most villains aren't cavity creeps. although a toothbrush may save your life in a fight one day, its true place is in your mouth... in the bathroom. next time anyone thinks about tossing one of these bristled warriors at a car or person, they should think about what it is they are doing (starving ethiopians would die to use that discarded cosmetic to brush the hunger off of their teeth). really, it's just silly... i mean at least use a razor; they are cheaper and might actually hurt somebody. if you think a toothbrush would be a good offensive weapon... i disagree; i think that it would just be offensive.
sorry that i've been slacking lately, but i have been kind of busy. during the course of moving this weekend, i noticed just how grizzled my toothbrush was. i usually don't buy new toothbrushes that often because i just wind up wearing through them really fast, but i figured i would have to soon. in honor of my soon-to-be-deceased toothbrush i decided to write a little something.
while most people don't think of it that way, the toothbrush has been a weapon for thousands of years. there are records dating back to 3000 BC of egyptians (those egyptians... what will they think of next) using frayed branches to clean their teeth. how does that make it a weapon? just ask mr. tartar and ms. plaque; they are feeling its wrath. of course people may also find it useful as a weapon against other people or a mercedes benz perhaps. with a sleek plastic design, the toothbrush can be wielded with precision for both throwing and melee attacks. while the toothbrush is rather light and blunt, modifications can be made to offer more severe strikes. if the plastic is shaved, it can be easily made into a shiv (keep that in mind, all you prisoners out there). a skilled martial arts master can use the toothbrush to hit various pressure points, incapacitating the victim or worse. even the lazy and untrained attacker can use the toothbrush to scrape the eyeballs of an opponent or even gouge them out. one of the more sophisticated vibrating toothbrushes may also make for a much more dangerous tool in the hands of an evil doer. these toothbrushes, however, have a good deal more weight to them, thus slowing the strikes of the attacker. also a power toothbrush has a finite battery life, so in an extended battle, the power brush may eventually become the weaker weapon. an electrically savvy person may, however, be able to modify the power brush into an extremely damaging toy (delivering electrical shocks, etc). in respect to the throwing of a brush, i have experience with that first hand... i have been hit; it is both insulting and bewildering. the toothbrush itself was more of an annoyance than a threat directly, but that was due to the fact that it was obviously in unqualified hands. in return, i wielded an attitude more dangerously and effectively, proving that it is not entirely the weapon, but also the person holding it.
conclusion:
though it may not stand up directly to a sword or a gun, a toothbrush can still be used as a weapon. in fact, a toothbrush can be dangerous without even intention of harm (i've scraped my gums before and definitely gotten some good bleeding). the toothbrush... um... eh... screw it. look, i know i've basically said a bunch of good things about the toothbrush as a tool for destruction so far, but the truth is: most people are not capable of using it as an effective weapon. i'm not sure if you know this, but most villains aren't cavity creeps. although a toothbrush may save your life in a fight one day, its true place is in your mouth... in the bathroom. next time anyone thinks about tossing one of these bristled warriors at a car or person, they should think about what it is they are doing (starving ethiopians would die to use that discarded cosmetic to brush the hunger off of their teeth). really, it's just silly... i mean at least use a razor; they are cheaper and might actually hurt somebody. if you think a toothbrush would be a good offensive weapon... i disagree; i think that it would just be offensive.
